我又再一次意识到原来我那么的无能，没用。您告诉我：「你不是没有用的人，你是有用的人。要懂得爱自己。」

可是为什么我看不出来我到底哪里有用？！我真的很讨厌、很恨这个没用的自己。我还是觉得我是没有用的人、根本一无是处。




唉！快把眼泪擦干吧。明天又是新的一天。

可是我的眼睛的水龙头好像坏了，不听我的话。眼泪不停的流下。

我好累，想要休息了。

不要误会，我没有想不开要自寻短见。我的意思是我哭得太多了，眼睛觉得好肿好累。我其实很怕死，要不然为什么我不敢搭过山车呢？就是怕掉下来，粉身碎骨嘛！


是谁说过「大哭一场之后就会觉得舒服」的？！

骗人！我哭过之后心情还是一样恶劣。




我在谷歌看到一个人的网络日记写着这句子：
「人常常只看到自己的短處，而忘記自己的長處(認為那是理所當然)，因而變得自卑！」


那…谁可以告诉我，我的长处是什么？

If I keep telling myself that I have a use, will I really have a use?












No one will see the tears if you hide under the blanket.




如果人生可以重来，我还会自毁我的人生吗？

Today I went to the place where I sometimes believe and sometimes don't. I only go when necessary or when I need help. Terrible huh? Oh well! Never mind what my belief is.

I've been having trouble sleeping at night, keep thinking of nonsense even when I dream I also think about it.

Anyway the story goes something like this:

I was advised to change my mindset. I must start loving myself and stop reproaching myself for not being able to do this or that.

Don't keep thinking that when I meet a small tiny weeny setback and I want to run away and hide, thinking "why things aren't going my way" and start to be lazy.

I must be content with what I have. My thinking has become unbalanced. And have to stop the "everyone owes me something" attitude.

And (surprise!!!) I have to stop thinking that I'm useless. I actually have a use just that now I don't know myself.

[Actually I didn't tell anyone I keep feel inferior and useless, unable to accomplish anything. How did this get leaked out? Haha.]

And actually I have 人缘的 just that I am forever not contented and keep thinking negatively and make my life difficult for myself. Therefore I forced myself into becoming a loner.

And once I know how to be contented and become happy with what I have, there is actually no need to worry about me being left on the shelf. There would be like 2 or 3 suitors waiting for me.

Hahahaha! I don't know to believe it or not -- Not the suitors part but the mindset part.

Yes I have to admit that I'm not contented with what I have. I keep on comparing. Stuff like "why other people have but we don't have?" so I guess my thinking really has become unbalanced. How to change my mindset?!!

But the love myself bit. I don't know. I don't know if I'm actually angry with myself subconsciously.

Conclusion: so I should think about the positive side and stop being discontented?

我很想回去我的「珊顿大道」。以前我真的身在福中不知福，不会珍惜。一直以为自己很不幸。等到失去才懂什么叫做后悔。可已经都来不及了。「阿福」离我很远。